Missing You
by Speary
Summary: He was older now. The lines near his eyes stood out in the mirror as he drove. His hands were still strong and held the steering wheel in a firm grip. And with age came certain realizations. He couldn't hunt like he once had. He couldn't assume that he would win every monster fight. He also couldn't assume that he would find peace in the typical ways. Destiel.


Dean could feel the trickle of sweat blazing a trail down his spine past the hemline of his jeans. He was uncomfortable but focused. Claire stood across from him ready for battle, or at least the semblance of it. Dean had been training her for the past couple of days with pugil sticks. She did not fight fair, which secretly pleased him. It was the kind of thing that just might keep her safe in a real world situation.

She swung the stick out at him. Dean easily avoided contact. He could feel his age in his muscles though. It had been some time since they first sent her to Jody's, and she was actually one of the older ones here now. She even trained some of the younger ones. _It was good,_ Dean thought. He knew that he was getting too old for the demon fighting business. _Better to train up the next generation._ He was feeling pretty smug about keeping up with Claire's attacks when she added conversation to the situation.

"You know Cas misses you, right?" Claire's words had been timed just right. Dean was distracted, and she was able to connect the pugil stick to the back of his thigh. He recovered enough to drop into a roll that got his body behind her where he was then able to knock her off her feet.

"Where'd that come from?" He asked as he had waited for her to get up and resume her fighting stance.

"I was talking with him the other day. He was on a break from training the girls over in the Tallahassee House. Said he might make it back up this way in a few months."

Dean dodged a swipe at his head; she dodged a reciprocal swipe. "I don't get how you decided that him working in Tallahassee means that he misses life in the north."

"Never said that he missed life up here, said that he missed you. Totally different, Winchester." Claire's face scrunched up as she dipped and swept at his feet. Dean jumped and circled around behind her again.

"Still don't see how you assumed that." It had been months since they had seen each other. He had wondered how Cas was getting on down there. The last time that they had seen each other had been just a few feet from where he was standing now. It had been a busy time. They barely said goodbye before Cas was driving off down the road toward humidity and untrained teenagers. Dean would have felt bad about that if he had thought about it much. Instead he pushed it aside. Thinking about it now though upset him. Cas had looked serious, too serious as they had stood together on Jody's back porch.

Dean remembered how the morning had been too busy. New teenagers were set to arrive. With the new people due at any minute, Dean had struggled with his goodbye. He hated goodbyes, and this was just temporary, so why say it. Instead he had said something like, _good luck with the humidity, Cas_. It was less than personal. He had even given Cas' shoulder a good-natured bro-pat for emphasis. Cas had stepped back from him toward his car after that.

Dean thought about the look on his face, crestfallen. He had said something to Dean prior to leaving. Dean ran a hand back up into his hair as he remembered it. _You should come with me._ It was something like that anyway. Dean could hardly remember it past the rush of blood that flooded his ears at the hearing of it. Why it affected him was confusing too. It shouldn't matter that Cas wanted company. That was natural. Florida might be miserable. Dean shook it off and concentrated on training Claire.

He hoped that she would let up once they made their way to the gun range. He had promised her some rifle training. She was halfway decent with a handgun, but Dean thought that her accuracy with a rifle could stand improvement. He helped her settle the butt end of the rifle into place. He talked to her about the kick and how to compensate for it. She squeezed off the first round and continued their conversation from before as if it hadn't stopped. "He actually said the words, 'I miss Dean,' so I didn't assume anything."

Dean grunted and readjusted the rifle since she wasn't aimed just right. "Well, he'll be back soon. He must have been bored." Dean stepped back and waited for her to take the next shot.

She lowered the rifle without firing and turned to him instead. "No, he wasn't bored. He just misses you. Have you called him since he left?"

"No." Dean reached out to move the rifle back into place, but Claire had stepped away, keeping him from doing it. "Come on, Claire. What gives?"

"I don't get you Dean. You two have been doing this little dance for years. What's it gonna take for you two to finally just talk?" Dean just stared at her. She stared back. Her look said, _just try to deny it._

"I talk with Cas plenty. Now stop with the chick-chat and shoot the target." He motioned off at the distant haybale and the target.

"Sure, Dean. Just tell me one thing."

Dean waited a beat then said, "Fine."

"You do know that he is in love with you right?" She watched him, and Dean just stood there staring back at her.

When he finally swallowed down an awkward lump of _what-the-hell_ , he said, "Cas is an angel. They're not wired that way." He pointed off at the target again, giving her a pointed nod as if to say he was done with this.

Claire didn't play by the rules though. "Oh, you're really confused." Dean turned back to her with a huff of irritation.

"No, you're confused. Now shoot the target." He conjured up a smile that he hoped would move them on.

She set down the rifle. _Damn it._ She even touched his forearm, and said, "He loves you so much. He talks about it sometimes. I mean he doesn't outright say it, but he does. You say he isn't wired that way, but this is Cas. He's not like other angels. And he's in love with you. It's probably rather depressing for him thinking that you don't feel the same way back."

Dean picked up the rifle, unloaded it, and began cleaning it. Claire hovered at his side. He began a silent monologue of all the reasons why she was wrong. This was Cas, and he cared, but what Claire was claiming was different. Eventually, she strolled off and he had been left to his own thoughts.

The nights after had been the worst. There were dreams, and his room had been both too hot and too cold. He tried to push the thoughts back. _He's in love with you._

Cas called him. He didn't answer. He was afraid of what he might say.

He played the voicemail later while sitting behind the small barn. _Dean._ Then there was a lengthy pause. Cas and phones, always awkward. _I just wanted to check in._ Another pause. _It is difficult being here._ Dean could hear in the pauses so much more. He wondered at the little hitch that seemed to come with his words. _I miss you._ Dean felt the same rush of blood running up to his face, filling his ears with the roar of oceans. _Well, goodbye._ And there was that stupid word, goodbye. Dean replayed the message. He stopped it at _I miss you._ He replayed it. _I miss you. I miss you._ "I miss you too."

* * *

Now he was driving, the windows down, loud music shrieking out around him. He was trying to drown out the thoughts that might turn him back. Worry and wonder were competing for his headspace. He also had Claire's words swimming about in his head keeping all of that worry and wonder company.

 _He's in love with you._ And if that wasn't enough, in Cas' own voice _I miss you._ Each night, when he had finally let himself fall into his bed, he had thought about those words, reimagining them in different ways. _Sure he could just be bored._ However, the more Dean thought about it as sleep took over, the more his mind was flooded with the worlds of possibilities where Cas was concerned. And in his dreams, where honesty was king, Dean found himself playing out all sorts of possibilities with Cas.

At times he would wake in a cold sweat, chest pounding out a beat of enthusiasm that he had not felt in some time. Dream Dean was plenty happy with Cas and their shared life. Wide awake Dean was miserable and alone. It wasn't until the fifth night after his sparring match with Claire that he let his mind settle on something else that Claire had said. _It's probably rather depressing for him thinking that you don't feel the same way back_.

That had done it. Dean woke up the next day and packed a bag. He left a note for Claire and Jody, saying only that he was heading to Tallahassee. Days on the road left plenty of time to think. He thought of where he was going and what he would say. His heart kicked up the pace again, when he finally crossed the Florida stateline.

He pulled over and picked up his phone. Cas had sent him a text the night before. He had asked after Dean's well-being. Dean hadn't replied. He decided to reply now, with just a few more miles separating them. _I miss you too._ He sent it, pulled back onto the highway, and drove onward to the house, to Cas, and to possibilities.

His hands shook on the steering wheel, so he gripped it tighter. The miles whipped by faster than he was ready for. The house was not like Jody's. It was a big one-story weather-beaten white clapboard thing. Around it were the bunkhouses that held the future hunters and maybe Cas too.

Dean shut off the car, and when he opened the door, the sticky Florida air greeted him. He felt like he was breathing in more water than air. Then the door to the main house opened and there was Cas, and breathing became a different labor. He still didn't know what he wanted to say, but Cas was standing there staring at him with wide-eyed wonder. He didn't wear his trenchcoat down here. Instead he wore his white button up shirt over loose fitting slacks. Dean took in the whole of the vision and felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he stepped away from the car.

Cas stepped from the porch, down to the ground, and then in a mutual effort, the two of them strode with purpose to each other. Dean had agonized over words during the entire drive. Now here was Cas. He chose not to speak. Instead, he reached out to him as they came to each other, and Cas stepped into the space willingly, like they had done this a hundred times before. Dean's hands pulled Cas close, and it could have become a hug so easily, but he didn't want that. He tipped his head just so and pushed his lips to Cas' which were seemingly waiting for just that.

Cas slipped his own hands around Dean's waist and held him there. The world around them fell away. Cas sucked in Dean's lip with a pleased moan of contentment before he let him go just a little. Dean breathed out, "I missed you."

Cas smiled at him, pressing his head to Dean's forehead, arms fully wrapped around him, "I missed you too." He let his hand drop down to Dean's and smiling pulled him to the house and a new world of possibilities that would be theirs.


End file.
